On This Day...you were happy.

You know those "On This Day" memories that Facebook drags up and posts on your timeline?  Normally mine (and most of yours) are heartwarming images of adorable toddlers, kindergarten graduations, family weddings and even an occasional spit shot worthy quote from one of your kids who's now an eye rolling teen.  Ah, the good old days, right?  Great little snapshots of time to make you say "Awwww" and then you get on with the busy and happy life you are living now.  

The other day I got one of those memories that seemed like no biggie.  It certainly wasn't "share" worthy one more time.  Yet it is exactly the one that grabbed me by the neck and won't let go.

See the thing is, I can't remember the last time I felt like that.  Like I loved where I lived.  What a concept. I was able to enjoy going a) OUTSIDE b) spending time with my family just bike riding and c) the flowers, the houses, the smell of blossoms in the air.


Have YOU ever looked back at your old Facebook status' and think, "Who WAS that person?"  So happy, so appreciative, so someone who enjoyed just living her life?

I honestly don't know how my zip code change could be responsible for how sad I'm feeling.  I mean, she's still in there somewhere isn't she?  Maybe she's reaching that age where everything gets emotionally and physically tough for a while. Yeah, maybe that's it, hormones.  I've turned into my own version of the spit shot worthy quote from a cute kid who's now an eye rolling teen.

Maybe I'll get on the bike before it reaches 90 today and I'm too sweaty to notice that all the houses look exactly alike, the yards are full of opposing political view signs, the constant mind numbing buzzing of yard crews that people are always wanting to hire "for cheap", and people that don't like me either who have found their "forever" homes.

Man, I really do miss the smell of those lemon blossoms.

Oh Goody, it's election time in Texas again.

Ya' ever wonder why little Texans get messed up?  Because people have voted for this.  I wish I were kidding.  

It's the STATE BOARD OF EDUCATION y'all.  So, if you move here for the schools, um, yeah, think again.

Oh HAIL No!

That time I opened my garage door the morning after a 15 minute hail storm and found this giant schnauzer by the wall.

So, it is not always hot and humid here in Texas.  Sometimes in Springtime, you get fifteen minutes of ice raging down, breaking windows, ruining your roof, landscaping, paint job, shutters, gutters, causing utter panic and loads of cleanup.  Price tag for this fifteen minutes to our house?  $34,000.  So, if you are gonna play in Texas, you don't need a fiddle for the band, just good insurance.

Missed Me? YOU GUYS, I ALMOST DIED.

beep beep beep
metal trays rattling in the night
that familiar smell of over washed, over sterilized fabric
everywhere

more holes in my body than a voodoo doll after a break up
catheter tubes as thick as garden hoses
waking up during surgery only happens in the movies, right?
well, then, this is one hell of a blockbuster

a black witch moth came to warn me 
two days before i went under
i was scared
turns out that bitch was right

gone are my tumors
my cervix
my uterus
and apparently a big o' chunk of my bladder
that part was not supposed to happen

hey mom, i think they dropped me on my head
my head is bruised, and gashed and swollen
your laughter isn't appreciated
and the doctor's silence about how i ended up this way
is deafening

go home
deal
i named my walker
Johnny Walker Red
it was red

something isn't right
my leg is getting strangled
no really i can't walk
doctors say i'm a big baby 
all i need is a massage

twelve hours later
more beeps
more smells of bleached gowns
that open in the back

blood clot
me
not me
that happens to other people that don't ever shut up about it
crap. me too.

beep beep beep
the loneliness is enveloping me
my breathing is weird
i'm falling into a very strange place
it is getting dark from the bottom up to the top
like drowning 
here comes the veil
it's dark
i'm calm
but i will miss my family
this is how i go?
veil getting higher 
like water rising 
i'm drowning

beep beep beep
panic engulfs the nurse
getting vitals turns into a scene from ER
only George Clooney doesn't even bother to make an appearance
one shot of something powerful into my IV
i'm back


It has been a long, long road to recovery.  I swore after I made it out I would quit my complaining, er, I mean, my taking my life here for granted.  I needed an attitude adjustment.  Pointing out irritating things in Texas probably wasn't good for my health after all.  

However, just like most of you, the gratitude didn't last forever.  I am still working on that, but as long as I am still (stuck) here, I will continue to give my perspective on life here in the Lone Star.  I have to say, much of what I have learned may surprise you.  Much of it I hope you will enjoy, and maybe even chuckle a bit.  Some of it may really make you see RED. I mean BLUE. I mean, look, a leopard can't change it's spots, but at least it knows when it is time to sit back and lick it's wounds, but it also knows when it's time to pounce.

Let's do this.

I Finally Got Around to Making one of those SomeEcards...

Ok, and it was a little bit thrilling when I tweeted the card to Bob and he tweeted me back.

Breaking News: Austin Has A Drinking Problem. In other news, Ducks Quack.

In the words of Joan Rivers, "Oh, GROW UP."

The front page of our local paper addresses what I've been trying to put into words for the past few years. 

"Does Austin Have a Drinking Problem?"

Sadly, shortly after Jimmy Kimmel made a joke about Austin needing an intervention, a drunk driver plowed into a crowded pedestrian South by Southwest crowd, leaving three people dead (so far), and many more with serious injuries.  

I am not going to make this topic about me, but I do feel the need to warn you all who may still be considering a move to the ATX.  Austin will always be a college town.  As long as UT (University of Texas) remains Austin's golden child, you will have to deal with a college mentality of its Austinites.  Not just the college students. People of all ages are trying desperately, it seems sometime, to hold on to those glory years of frat parties, beer bongs and koozies.  Listen, I don't blame the college kids. Knock yourselves out. You are on campus, on foot, young and free.  I take issue however, with anyone driving after "only a few drinks".  It's spread out to the suburbs too.  You see it with all the playscapes in the back areas of many a restaurant, spattered with plenty of beer chugging dads and wine holding moms at the bar nearby.  I can't tell you the amount of liquor breathed parents I encounter at youth sports, live music shows, even the ones  put on by schools, etc. 

I am about as paranoid as one could be regarding drinking and driving.  Maybe it is because our family drives Mini Coopers and I'm afraid one of those drunken large ass white trucks will cross the invisible line between them and us, as we travel legally, along a 60-70 mph winding highway through the hill country.  Maybe it is because my middle child is about to start driving.  It's seriously white knuckle around here under the best of conditions.  Knowing the culture of drinking, even amongst so called "adults" is terrifying.

Now UT thinks it would be a splendid idea to start selling alcohol at their sports events.

http://www.kvue.com/news/Alcohol-sales-to-begin-Friday-at-select-UT-Athletics-events-247635331.html

Make sense?
Yeah, I didn't think so.

Rhymes with Oozie

Hey friends and fans,
Happy New Year!  It's 2014 and I'm trying to get back to the practice of being more positive than bitchy, I mean negative.  However, I still live in Texas, so I may slip from time to time. *

You know what word I haven't heard in the two decades I've been gone from here?

Koozie.


It's kind of like an earworm, but more annoying, because people actually say it (and use them) a lot around here.  Unless the KOOZIE (oh man, I can't say that out loud, kinda like I can't say "po-boy" out loud either), anyway, unless the Koozie says, "Soda kills you, and Jesus saves"**, then I can't.

Koozie.
I just saw it on another post somewhere asking if it was acceptable to wear a band t-shirt to the concert of same band.  Everyone over twelve pretty much is sophisticated enough to agree that this is a bad social move, however, they all say that band Koozie's are acceptable.

The hell?

On the bright side, it's cccccold today!  Like freezing sleet kind of cold.  
Then again, it's expected to be in the upper 70's this weekend.  Geez, I might need to grab my Koozie to keep my damn beer cold.   

Can you imagine? I show up drinking beer (as if), with my koozie?

I can't.

Peace, love, and stop putting coats on your drinks,

Me


* like mostly, like always.
**shut up, so i like gavin degraw.