Oh HAIL No!

That time I opened my garage door the morning after a 15 minute hail storm and found this giant schnauzer by the wall.

So, it is not always hot and humid here in Texas.  Sometimes in Springtime, you get fifteen minutes of ice raging down, breaking windows, ruining your roof, landscaping, paint job, shutters, gutters, causing utter panic and loads of cleanup.  Price tag for this fifteen minutes to our house?  $34,000.  So, if you are gonna play in Texas, you don't need a fiddle for the band, just good insurance.

Missed Me? YOU GUYS, I ALMOST DIED.

beep beep beep
metal trays rattling in the night
that familiar smell of over washed, over sterilized fabric
everywhere

more holes in my body than a voodoo doll after a break up
catheter tubes as thick as garden hoses
waking up during surgery only happens in the movies, right?
well, then, this is one hell of a blockbuster

a black witch moth came to warn me 
two days before i went under
i was scared
turns out that bitch was right

gone are my tumors
my cervix
my uterus
and apparently a big o' chunk of my bladder
that part was not supposed to happen

hey mom, i think they dropped me on my head
my head is bruised, and gashed and swollen
your laughter isn't appreciated
and the doctor's silence about how i ended up this way
is deafening

go home
deal
i named my walker
Johnny Walker Red
it was red

something isn't right
my leg is getting strangled
no really i can't walk
doctors say i'm a big baby 
all i need is a massage

twelve hours later
more beeps
more smells of bleached gowns
that open in the back

blood clot
me
not me
that happens to other people that don't ever shut up about it
crap. me too.

beep beep beep
the loneliness is enveloping me
my breathing is weird
i'm falling into a very strange place
it is getting dark from the bottom up to the top
like drowning 
here comes the veil
it's dark
i'm calm
but i will miss my family
this is how i go?
veil getting higher 
like water rising 
i'm drowning

beep beep beep
panic engulfs the nurse
getting vitals turns into a scene from ER
only George Clooney doesn't even bother to make an appearance
one shot of something powerful into my IV
i'm back


It has been a long, long road to recovery.  I swore after I made it out I would quit my complaining, er, I mean, my taking my life here for granted.  I needed an attitude adjustment.  Pointing out irritating things in Texas probably wasn't good for my health after all.  

However, just like most of you, the gratitude didn't last forever.  I am still working on that, but as long as I am still (stuck) here, I will continue to give my perspective on life here in the Lone Star.  I have to say, much of what I have learned may surprise you.  Much of it I hope you will enjoy, and maybe even chuckle a bit.  Some of it may really make you see RED. I mean BLUE. I mean, look, a leopard can't change it's spots, but at least it knows when it is time to sit back and lick it's wounds, but it also knows when it's time to pounce.

Let's do this.