Aww Man, How'd I Miss THIS?

Ok everyone, CALM DOWN. Yes, we are having an incredibly beautiful day in the 70's, (thank you baby Jesus), but lest we not forget how it usually is here in the 512.  I was looking for something to do tonight, and even though the show was so popular it was extended, it actually ended last week.  Here's hoping they bring it back, because it sounds bleeping hilarious.  Hey, maybe it will play well in December...because...well, Texas.

Photo credit:
The Institution Theater, Austin, TX

IN TEXAS, WE SAY THINGS.

Yeah, she said that.  For anyone reading this blog and you wonder if you are crazy and judgemental - it's not us!  And for those that are saying things...it's not their fault! They're Texans!

SPOILER ALERT: BIG BROTHER 15 evicted Texas favorite, Aaryn... Enjoy...

http://www.tmz.com/2013/08/29/big-brother-aaryn-gries-evicted-racist-texas-texan/6/#comments-anchor

I'm Sorry, but this KILLED me.

I'd so put this on my cover photo of my Facebook page if I didn't think I'd get shot...

**Photo credit:  KLBJ Dudley and Bob Show - (reworked image of the famous "iconic" I love you so much graffiti outside Joe's Coffee)

A short lived glimmer of hope...

...but still...a glimmer of hope...

thank you to the strong, brave Texas women who are tired of being bullied by our state government.

I STAND WITH WENDY

 

Orange never looked so good.

SPOILER ALERT: SUPERMAN MOVIE: This Post Has Nothing To Do With My Texas Issues....but I gotta put it somewhere....

Last night I decided to join my family of dudes and go see Superman at the cinema.  Was I excited? Uh, is it cold in Texas? No, of course I wasn't excited, but always being the "no" mom, I decided to suck it up and try and enjoy the six hour (?) picture.  See, I can be a "yes" mom!

About six minutes in my mind began to wander.  Did I leave a candle on at home?  Was I supposed to call my dad today? Why am I wearing capri pants? I'm too damn short to wear capri pants.  Well, in my defense, it is blazing hot and humid, so it allows for a little bit of breathing room for my Hungarian ankles.  Oh, look, Russell Crowe. I didn't know he was in this film.

So I started thinking....(Shut up, I can hear what you are thinking), maybe it would be fun to share a few things that were going through my little head as I tried to act engaged in yet another dude movie.  I decided to grab a napkin off my cute husband's knee and jot down some of what was going through my mind.  Ok so, it's not my best work.  When I pulled the napkin out this morning to look at all my musings, I realized that 90 % of it is not legible. The Hell? I'll share a pic of the great let down later, but for now, I'll try and find some of the salvaged thoughts. 

I won't explain, I'll just let my inner dialogue speak for itself.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you, Superman...from one chick's point of view...

Hmmm..I didn't know Russell Crowe was in this. He's not half bad here. Probably trying to make up for that Les Mis disaster.

What is my kid laughing at? He's literally crying laughing.  Sush him, honey, he's gonna annoy the leaner in people behind us.  What's he laughing at?  Oh, that's right, they showed a baby's junk. 

Ok, who's with me? This new Superman looks like the Train dude.  I've been trying to figure it out since "grown up" Superman made his appearance.

Hmm...nice new costume. Love the built in boots.  Wonder what that cape fabric is?

Hold up, this Lois Lane is being played by Amy Schumer?  **For the asshats out there, I do realize it's Amy Adams.

Ok, wait, now is this Cowboy Curtis, or the other guy that looks like Cowboy Curtis?  Damn, I will live my whole life confusing these guys.

Are those wrinkles on Diane Lane real?  Yeah, probably not, but I am enjoying seeing lines again on a woman in a movie.

Hey, whatever happened to Clark Brandon?  Now *THAT* guy was Superman hot.
...(then I remembered I had seen him when I lived in L.A. in a restaurant once...with a much older woman, and the woman wasn't even a hot older woman. It was all so surreal, since even though my bestie Marilyn had Scott Baio all over her room, my wallpaper of choice was the blue eyed Clark Brandon)

Kevin Costner is still beautiful.

Hold up - that's a different dog than the one from the tornado....but I thought that dog lived?  What happened to the dog?!

Oh crap. The "You are not Alone" thing just sealed the fate tonight that our 1st grader will once again not be sleeping in his own bed tonight.  (Thank you Ashley for telling me that the movie Coraline was "cute" and that my little guy would "love it" Yes, about 4 years later, we finally watched Coraline, and all I can say is, that shit was creepy! So I don't blame my son for not wanting to sleep alone that night.)

Oh Superman, I can't help but think that my Andy Cohen would love love  love you, hunty.

Ow, my ears hurt!

Oh so *that's* who General Zod looks like! The military dude from The Bachelor who is having second thoughts about Des.

Oh right. Like you'd wear stiletto heels in the desert. Nice try Lois. I'm not buying it.

On second thought. Cute outfit girl. Kind of Annie Hall meets Heidi Klum, if Heidi wore more suits or had to act like a cop in a CSI episode.

I really need to start dressing better.  WAHM's at SAHM's aren't really motivated to get out of the yoga pants, but I need to go back to the days of dressing for hotness, and not dressing poorly because it's hot.

Hold up, speaking of CSI, whattya know? That's the CSI dude there in the command center.  Wait, did he have a kissing scene with Kathy Griffin once, or was that a girl on girl almost kiss? 

Ok, kinda diggin' the girl power of the bad guy girl.

Where is the phone booth?

Hee..that plastic see through head piece that looks like something from Daiso is not that flattering Amy. The other chick looks better. Sorry.

Ok whew, it's almost over. Mom is dragging our her beloved belongings, even the family photo album has been saved. Yay! It must be over.

Aw crap..it's not over.

Ow, my ears hurt!

This rumbling loud soundtrack is rattling my bum and irritating the popcorn in my colon.

Hey dude behind us, quit leaning over our seats.  Creepy.

Ok, it's calm. It must be over!

No, it's not over. like a bad slasher film, no one that you think is dead is really dead. They keep coming back!
 
Wait, I thought he worked for the paper? Like in a "I'll put my glasses on and no one will know it's me" kind of way...  They sure are taking liberties with this story line.

Ow, my ears hurt!

Is it over?

Oh damn Sears. Good luck trying to find a purple washer and dryer like mine now, neighbors!

Rumbling, rumbling, explosions, fighting.  My vertigo is seriously in danger of getting launched.

Pow, boom, explosion.

What the hell time is it? I'm like one of those bad moms, my little kid is in here and it must be midnight by now.

Pow, boom, explosion, blah blah blah....

Hold up, I think I just saw Elizabeth Hasslebeck in that crowd of extras in the NYC chaos. 

And wait, is Metropolis really New York City?  Is Gotham New York City? Call it what you want, we all know it's New York City.

Aw, now Bachelor just "bitch stole my look"ed him.  I still prefer the blue.

Wait, who's Mary?

Oh, love how you were all butt hurt having to go help Cowboy Curtis save Jenny, office dude. Man up.

And it's the dude that looks like my friend Grant's dad, even though I never met Grant's dad For the Win! Way to save the world unsuspecting character actor!

Aww, how embarrassing, all your office mates are watching you guys make out.

Oh, so he is gonna work for the paper?

Dumbasses at work - are ya'll seriously acting like you don't know new guy is Superman? He's wearing fake glasses and didn't use his hair product? That's all it takes?

Wait, is it over?

Creepy guy behind us still isn't leaving.

We sure it's over?

Ow my ears hurt.

Is there a Sister's of the Traveling pants sequel coming out soon?  Steel Magnolias?  Anything that might give a dude a period?  I'm sure my sweet husband will happily give me his notes which will no doubt be taken and reported back to me. 

"I knew we lost Mommy after the first four minutes"...said my guy.

Actually, no. It was six minutes. I'm not a total jerk.

Someone Please Explain this to Me

Gov. Perry signs 'Merry Christmas' bill

Measure applies to several holiday symbols

Updated: Thursday, 13 Jun 2013, 3:06 PM CDT
Published : Thursday, 13 Jun 2013, 2:35 PM CDT

but he won't sign a bill making it illegal to text while driving.

Thanks Clay...I mean buggar...I mean Clay...

Even evil world leaders have it in for Austin....and Clay thinks it might be a good tactic to scare us evil Californians...

It's getting rather pathetic and predictable.  Traffic bad? Blame it on Californians.  Longer line than usual at the food truck? Blame it on the Californians.  Weather Bad? Must be the damn Californians.  It used to be Obama's fault for everything around here.  That is so 2012.  Now the new scapegoat is anyone from CA that is coming here to mess up our super awesome city.  Californians, the new Obama.

 

On the bright side, KOKE FM is a pretty good station, when they're not talking about crap like this.

 

I'm Such an A-hole

Can't help it...had to have it.

Wonder why no one likes me here....?




**On the plus side for those of you who think I may have gone too far with this one, I just want you to know that a portion of proceeds made from this sale went to Multiple Sclerosis research.  See? I'm not so bad after all.

Debating CA coming to TX...and How Tammy Wynette Saved the Day...

Well, well well...what do we have here?  As I was checking out the Facebook page of my favorite Austin radio station, KOKE FM, I saw something near and dear to my heart.  The post was asking for listener opinions about Californian's moving to Texas.  (A hot topic considering the Governor of Texas just appealed to California businesses to consider moving here for lower taxes, incentives, lower taxes, less government regulations, quality of life, and oh yeah, lower taxes.)  The comments on the posting created an all time high response for any KOKE FM posting.  Curious to see some of the results?  Here ya go:

• Rocky says: As an original austinite I must say to the Californians... No, stay away, go away.

• Trish says: Don't bring the culture you're so badly trying to leave. Though Austin was founded on a melting pot of cultures, you just need a pinch, not a whole cup

• Jeff says:  They've already messed up one perfectly good state....

• Alan says:  Not to be rude... but stay in California!

• Jana says: I moved here in 1999, the honest way, I married an eighth generation texan. I hate it when calis come in pairs lol

• Tara says: They have made Austin into California. I just about considered Austin not Texas anymore. I love my state but most views and attributes are not the same as the state as a whole

• Troy says: I will say our police need to start ticketing them more. They have 30 days to change their license plates
  And I know they are not doing that!

• Jr. says:  Hope they stay away.

• Cathy says: Please stay in California. Why leave some place and bring the very ideas and attitudes you were trying to get away from. Our infrastructure cannot accomodate the number of people we have here. We are literally busting at the seams. Not enjoying my Austin these days.

• JnJ says: The major interaction that us Texans have with the rest of the world now, is on the road. If you move here and want to increase your chances of being excepted.....STAY YOUR ASS OUT OF THE LEFT HAND LANE!!!!! And wave!! If we let you pull out in front of us, show some gratitude and respect...or pull over so we can teach you!!!

• Anne-Marie says: Don't California my Texas...

• Richard says: As long as they keep piling into Austin I am okay with it. It's when they get out into REAL Texas towns it becomes a problem. It's also hilarious how all Californians here in Austin think (and expect) the rest of Texas to be like Austin. If Austin is all you know about Texas, you're in for a big shock. The rest of Texas don't want you or like you, and unlike Austin, they'll gladly tell ya. Go find out for yourself...

• Sally says: I moved here from Oregon in 2004 to get away from the insanity, traffic, and liberal to the max agendas. It was such a delight to have people wave and let you merge into traffic instead of the road rage, plus honking the horn, flipping you off, and swearing at you. I love TX and all that it stands for! When I listen to KOKE in the morning, and how Austin is going "bagless", wants more bike trails, loves the commuter train, needs to be the Greenest..OMG it is PORTLAND!!! California ruined Idaho, Montana, Oregon and Washington, don't think they won't try to ruin Texas

• Randy says: If they come here they better behave!  (or what Randy, you'll shoot us?)

...and ok, my favorite one that kinda made me laugh: Trevor says:

• Trevor says: bring the girls, leave the douchebags

It was interesting to see the anger of it all. 

I just don't understand this mentality of "don't bring your awful California ways" to our precious state. Really? Because last I checked I didn't bring any gangbangers, or crappy school ideas in my moving truck. Did I bring my aversion for hatred and homophobia and distrust of politicians who want to limit women's health options? Guilty. I brought my family and my AMERICAN MADE business with me, oh and my husband also brought his educated and experienced high tech mind so that your local industry can be competitive and benefit from the taxes that business is generating for your economy. Was California perfect? Not by a long shot...however, the way that some Texans portray themselves is just a torch short of a pitchforked village riot squad. It's embarrasing how Texas is portrayed to the rest of the country. Comments on this topic on this FB page only serve to prove my point.

 

 

**Now, getting back to my promise to try and end these postings on a positive note...I did hear Tammy Wynette's Stand By Your Man this morning on my way back from the gym on KOKE FM. Tammy FREAKING Wynette.  I'll even give y'all a bonus bit of positivity today.  I can teach you how to sing like the great Tammy herself.  Ready?  Put a "h" sound before every single word you sing.  Try it.  I know you are so gonna try this, I can almost hear you now...."hstand hby hyour hman.." It'll be your new party trick.  You're welcome.